Dear Dr Ted "Great Chap" Nield,

My dearest friend Sam and I would like to thank you for taking the time to reply to our e-mail, many people have little time for Sam and his "visions", it was more than we got from those Communist fools at the RGS. Rev. Laird Sam would like to extend an inviation for you to join us on Sam's square-foot, Glencairn estate, provided you wear small shoes!

Thank you for your advice on contacting the Ordanance Survey on this matter, however we do fear this would be fruitless due to Sam's tendancy towards mobility, and the catastrophic printing costs that this would entail.

After reading your e-mail we believe that Sam may well be a geological mountain has he has never been to "isostatic equilibrium" and could not find it on his OS map (is it anywhere near Glencairn?). Sam is "in" Stoke-on-trent for the most part of the year with the exception of school holidays when he migrates back to Cambridgshire.

It is our belief that Sam may well have negative gravity anomalies (after a night of drinking the laws of gravity do not even apply to Sam) Do these have to be specific anomalies or does Sam get to choose?

In regards to his height, although consistent, he borders on a pokey 5'9". This is not to say that a 1000ft summit is not unattainable for Sam, he eats a hearty bowl of Shredded Wheat every morning and remains optimistic regarding his temporary vertical disposition.

Due to a recent and fortunate accident involving a kit-kat (and its aluminium packaging) we here at the Make Me a Mountain Campaign (MMMC), believe that Sam is now more Sial than Sima.

Kind regards

Sgt Will Roberts (almost, closer than before, BSc)
Rev. Laird Sam Morris (Not Quite BA)
Scout Patrol Leader Warren Pegley (teetering on BSc)