Dear Dr Rita Gardner (CBE)

Firstly let me congratulate you on the splendid geography in Great Britain. It is most enjoyable and can always be found right where it is expected.

It is in regard to Britain’s smashing geography that I am writing, as I would very much like to be a part of it. As you are no doubt aware I am the Chief Master Arch Senior Junior Vice Executive Captain Manager President of the Make Me a Mountain Campaign (MMMC).
Even though we have written on many occasions now you have accidentally forgotten to reply.

We here at the MMMC are no strangers to science (you are probably familiar with our invention –the number 6- before which all mathematical sums were wrong by exactly one number) and wish to once again embark on a mission of great scientific magnitude.

I (Sam Morris) wish to be declared the world’s first sentient mountain (Mt. Sam). We have deduced some of the basic requirements necessary for this feat and believe that all are within the realms of possibility. I need only be (1) taller than my immediate surroundings (2) that I have two or more climate zones (3) That I have many crags etc (4) I must be a landmass.

We would very much like your society to have the honour of declaring me a mountain once I have presented the appropriate evidence. The Royal Geological Society has already been very helpful and we are also keen to contact Ordinance Survey.
You’ll also be pleased to know that due to growing support for the MMMC we will soon have a website that you may browse at your leisure, and a online petition in case people keep accidentally forgetting to reply to our letters. Let me say on behalf of the MMMC that we keenly anticipate your reply.


Yours Sincerely
Laird Samuel Morris
Of Glencairn